new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
