I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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