just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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