If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I could fuck to npr.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
