Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
