Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
