I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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