i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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