there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
