Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
