Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
