the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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