I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
