One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
