Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
