The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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