whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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