I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
