I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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