I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
