Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
