you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
