Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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