thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
