I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
