508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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