So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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