Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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