WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
