this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize