i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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