i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
