But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
