You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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