dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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