***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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