Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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