I'm jealous of your bromance
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize