if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
