2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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