nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
