i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
