I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We left the knife in your bed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
