She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
