I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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