My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
