Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize