Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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