This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
