found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
