Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
