Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
