Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think i have two assholes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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