here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
