I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
