do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
