Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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