pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
