Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize