Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
