There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
