I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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