I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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