Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
