I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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