I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
