There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
