in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
