I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
