I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
