he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
